An Open Letter to Washington Mutual Bank (From the Financial Equivalent of a Brainless Squid)

I admit it. I’m a screwup.

At least that’s what my close, personal friends at Washington Mutual bank were quick to tell me every time I made a mistake with my WaMu checking account.

Yeah, a pair of times I didn’t transfer money into that account quickly enough, or – heaven forgive me – there was that time I transferred money out instead of in (yes, I did that).

When I did those things, I’d get a note. It didn’t say “You screwed up, you brainless squid, and we’re charging you $75 for the privilege.”

But it might as well have. And the fees charged were certainly real.

One morning not so long ago, I woke up to learn Washington Mutual had been seized by the Federal Government, then sold to JPMorgan Chase, WaMu rendered insolvent by a series of really, really bad decisions.

The sort of decisions, frankly, you’d make if you were a brainless squid.

The default didn’t affect me all that much, and I rarely keep much money in that account, but then, how much did it really affect WaMu when I overdrew that checking account by $1.18 (yes)?

Still, in keeping with the spirit of the relationship established early on by my friends at WaMu, I’m mailing you a letter outlining the harm suffered the morning I discovered you’d screwed up.

It also explains the $75 “Insolvency Fee” I’m charging you (just deposit it directly into my account, thank you).

I’m sorry it had to come this (and naturally, don’t expect a “thank you” after the deposit’s been made), but this is apparently the kind of thing that happens when you make brainless-squid-level decisions.

At least that’s been my experience.

I do hope that after I’ve charged you an outlandish and arbitrary fee that we can still be friends.

Sincerely,
Tom Chandler

Comments 4

  1. Graham Strong wrote:

    “Dear Mr. Chandler, We are pleased to announce that you have been WaMu’ed. Please find enclosed a receipt for $75 that you so kindly give us…”

    Wow, you got a letter…? That’s customer service for you!

    All I got was an NSF ding from the bank when they tried to take the mortgage payment. Similar story to yours, actually. I transferred in enough money to cover the month’s bills. Of course I didn’t realize that my wife had written a cheque for $40-odd dollars, putting us in the red…

    After a few minutes of embarrassment, anger, and tossed bills in the air (at the bank, not my wife…!), I (relatively) calmly called up the bank and asked why they wouldn’t call me to warn me I had insufficient funds. After 20 years of being a model customer, why was I all of a sudden being treated like a criminal?

    The guy was nice actually, and told me they have thousands of these things happen every day. They can’t track all of them I suppose, which made sense — it’s all automated. So I told him, okay, we’re talking here and not automated, so what can you do for a customer that has two mortgages with you, a car loan, RSPs, RESPs, a web broker account, a line of credit, and all my savings with you?

    He told me he could reverse the charge.

    So now we’re both happy I suppose. And I’ve learned to keep a little bit of back-up money in the account!

    Upshot — give them a call. They might see their way to do the same for you…

    ~Graham

    Quote

    Posted 04 Oct 2008 at 7:41 am
  2. Rick Grant wrote:

    Yes. Yes! This is excellent! No need to pay an attorney to file a class action, just take your client list and start paying those insolvency fees.

    Rick.

    Quote

    Posted 04 Oct 2008 at 11:03 am
  3. Cathy Goodwin wrote:

    Banks aren’t the only ones who have a policy of, “We get to screw up but you don’t.” I just wrote a 2-page letter to an eye doctor whose office staff (a) told me the charge would be one amount and sent me a bill for $10 more; (b) told me waiting is normal and “I’ve waited 4 hours to see a doctor -what’s your problem?” and (c) insisted on calling me Mrs. Goodwin when I’m not married.

    I am tempted to say, “If you can’t get organized to provide decent customer service, I can’t get organized to pay your bill on time.” Instead, I’ll be looking for a new eye doctor (unless I get a good response to my 2-page letter).

    Quote

    Posted 04 Oct 2008 at 9:32 pm
  4. Tom Chandler wrote:

    Graham: The fees charged were some time ago. I simply wanted to point out the lopsided nature of the covenant with banks.

    Rick: Thanks.

    Cathy: Let us know how that one goes, though I wouldn’t necessarily hold my breath.

    Quote

    Posted 06 Oct 2008 at 1:54 pm

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